I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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