Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
