marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
