Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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