worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
