I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
