Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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