I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
