Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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