Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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