Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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