I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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