I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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