is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize