you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
