apparently the secret to your success is patron
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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