Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
