my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
