a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
