Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
