sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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