I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
