Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

Fav 10 2105 831
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?

(1-502): View more from Kentucky

Welcome to every minute of my life.

Fav 25 3006 1117
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(720): View more from Colorado

I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.

Fav 19 822 3966
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(913): View more from Kansas

just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

Fav 45 12482 1731
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.

Fav 10 5108 1131
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(778): View more from British Columbia

I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.

Fav 6 1167 3668
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(973): View more from New Jersey

there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.

Fav 8 3063 1936
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(858): View more from California

He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.

Fav 0 199 105
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?

Fav 1 4 54
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