I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
