Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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