I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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