Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize