Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
