My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
