All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
