You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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