We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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