Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
