I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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