Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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