I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
