Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize