So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
