My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Randomize
