so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
