Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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