i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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