you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
