Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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