omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
