I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
