if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
