good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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