How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
