It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's shark week go big or go home
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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