Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
