Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
