I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize