love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
