ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
