Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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