Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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