I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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