Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
