Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
