It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
