Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We need to rekindle our bromance
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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