You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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