I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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