How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
