let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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